Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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