Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
