He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
