The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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