today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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