This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
