You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
