I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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