My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
its not stalking. its research.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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