he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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