i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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