Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He felt like a one man threesome
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
