I wish I could punch you in the face.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
