Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm at about main and main street
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
