Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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