Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
