OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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