it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
