I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
