North Korea, Best Korea!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
