Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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