omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
