Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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