Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
