Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
