when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
