one might say we're banned from that church
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
