Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
