whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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