in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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