I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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