from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
