He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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