Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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