Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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