Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
