shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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