i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
