Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
