i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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