i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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