Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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