He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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