i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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