I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
