I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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