I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
