So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
