Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
this is an emotional support booty call
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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