I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
