at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
