I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
