battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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