you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
