We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
