My hand turned me down
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
