So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
