I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
