I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
