Your face is a jimmy john
...so i touched it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
