Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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