So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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