just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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