i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
