"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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