belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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