I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
