I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
