Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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