Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
