6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
