i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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