When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
