it hurts more in the daytime
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
