I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
