I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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