It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
