I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
