You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
