we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
