It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
