Define "chronic" masturbator.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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