I am puke
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
