I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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