i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
