So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
