And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
