yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize