careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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