Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I have demons in me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
