i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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